Memories

At times I wonder if I can continue... Having commitments is good, but too many is just a unbearable. But my love for guitar and Red Cross Youth is getting stronger and stronger. Won't it just be great if life is just about this two things?

Recently NPStrings AGM just ended. The past few weeks have been intense guitar but I was not stress over this matter though. I actually enjoyed it and just wish we can have practice EVERYDAY. But my commitment for other things just drowned me and I kept worrying the other things.

Got so addicted to Hikari song after Alvin played it on the piano. Hahaha! I remember hearing it somewhere someday in the past.

Just watched the video on Facebook uploaded by Hadi sir? About Red Cross Youth and it was AWESOME. Hahas!

Yesterday after AGM, I felt sad because it ended and slowly... Everything that I love will come to an end. Alright, maybe it is just me thinking too much but ya... I'm afraid to face the future. Alone.

Feeling weird this few days and felt like breaking down and cry but not sure why. I feel lost and all my commitments I volunteered myself for seem so... Disappearing... My heart is aching now but who can I share it with?

I feel lost and I hate the feeling. I feel I'm very irresponsible and I hate the feeling too... It's easy to say, then just be MORE committed! But how?

My commitment, my love, my life...

- Family

- Friends

- Studies

- Scholarship

- Red Cross Youth

- Hougang Secondary School Red Cross Youth

- NPStrings

- Guitar

- NYAA Chapter

- School of Humanities

But under each category there are more to be seen then just the title itself. I'm given a post but at times I feel that I'm not doing it right.

Tomorrow I'm going for HMS pre-camp and my group members DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM even though I'm in the Exco team too. I fail as a person, a friend, a leader, a follower.

Told Hidayah have been busy this few days and was rather stress. Even though jobs are done by my team, I still feel bad and guilty for not being able to help much. They seem to be doing everything and me nothing. I feel so lost for this pre-camp. Guitar is my only hideaway from all this burden and next I need to settle World Red Cross Day because I'm under the admin team and I don't seem to be doing much. Have not check my mails the past few days. Not doing my job in WRCD and in HMS.

Sometimes I wonder how people do it all. I have not pack my bag for tomorrow till now because I really want to breakdown soon. Need to find a way to say everything I have in my mind. Even if this post just seem weird, I DON'T CARE.

I can't seem to read my heart or even mind anymore.

What I can do now is help as much as I could be redeem my evil doing of irresponsibility...

After crying in the toilet felt better. I think I feel better now also because Sylvia came to ask me print things for her and her friendliness make me feel less scare for tomorrow's pre-camp then.

Feel better now. Off to camp tomorrow till Wednesday then!

Love,

me.