Memories.

I don't know why but I feel so troubled... Wanted to sleep now but I feel so heavy in my heart. I hate falling in love because it means giving more commitment to the things I love and it really kills when I start neglecting anyone of it. Which then become irresponsibility and then people start talking about me which I can feel it but I just look like I don't know anything. Act blur.

The only way is to give up and leave. But then yet again, leaving halfway is also irresponsible. What do you want me to do then? With me or without me, it will and I know WON'T make much differences.

I feel like a freaking loser right now. Maybe I can join the Glee Club then?

Tired of everything. Just now being told off by Zhi Wen for 'flying airplane' with my other friends that are watching movie just now and was so pissed within me that I can't seem to even bother replying his MSN. I am freaking tired. FREAKING TIRED. Breaking down. Tears in my eyes but holding back.

Recently my family relationship is getting better and better after that specific incident which I can say it is a blessing in disguise. All of us broke down and opened up with one another and now I feel like a family again. :)

That is the only thing that can actually make it smile I think. At times I am just simply putting up a fake smile and people ask me why fake it out? At times when people say something, it really hurts me inside out but I still need to smile and laugh and talk to the person.

Said by Ding Xiang, Reality is cruel. By improving myself, I need to take in whatever lousy comments about myself and learn from wrong. Maybe because I really suck and then people are always correcting me till I can't stand it and I just stand there and listen and nod my head. But of course, I am taking in whatever he or she is saying. Is just that my smile is used up and all I can do is just give the 'stone face' while listening. One example was when Calvin talk to me about initiative.

Feel lighter now after spamming. I should really start spamming what happen everyday and not my sad bullshit feelings. If not in the future when I start reading up, I feel super crappish.

Here goes...

Woke up this morning and saw the message by my NYAA Chapter. For the updates, I requested to step down as a Vice-President for my club. *that was part of the reason why my heart feels heavy* He tired to ask me stay saying that everyone don't want me to leave but the fact is I'm really afraid of commitments already. And what if I start MIA-ing again? The whole thing will go back to this current situation again? I mean I now I can do my very best in preventing myself from MIA-ing, but there is this words again. 'What if'.

Maybe this is the reason why I dare not to fall in love and even if I do so. I dare not confess and maybe have a crush for that person over a long period of time? Like maybe years? :)

Really afraid of commitments now. But it is every human beings must do task in their life.

He told me to reconsider and I just say I will see how first again then. And just, he just text us saying our advisor, Ms. Ann, want to meet us this Wednesday. But told him I have other event for that day already. Helping out in transporting logistics and having our World Red Cross Day Post Mortem meeting that day too. Am I running away from reality? I dare not face my other Exco team in NYAA Chapter after that meeting which finalize my decision which is on the same day as our Ops Team 1 outing, Sunday. Hanging out was cool but after that when everything ends and we were walking to the MRT station. My feet started to get heavier and feel down-er because fun is over and reality is back.

Went to school today and it was the first day of school as a HMS Year TWO student! OMG~ Can you believe?! Soon after, year THREE will come! And all my lovely seniors from HMS and NPstrings will all not be around anymore... THAT'S SAD.

Talking about HMS. It is another of my love which I recently fall for. The Exco people were all AWESOME.

Suddenly remembered Hadi sir asking like I very busy in my school and say is it because I have someone I like in guitar or anywhere that's why I like always go for it. NO. Told you that I dare not think about love already. :)

Had only one tutorial every Monday which is IT from 0900-1100 hours only and OTOT. Reached school and if you see what Gwendolyn tagged me, we were crapping at Ngee Ann Polytechnic bus-stop while waiting for the arrival of our bus-stop gang. :) Saw Ding Xiang and wave with the typical style of his.

Oh oh! Suddenly remember Valerie saying if he is REALLY a gay? :) So funny! I was like YES. But he have a lot of scandal during the camps though. WHOOMPS. He accept BOTH female and male?! Haha!

Nice. Starting to laugh already. :)

Oh oh! Love today's tutorial because our teacher introduce us to this children website with all games and I LOVE the Michael Michael Go Recycle! That's why Hui Xian tag me that quote in Facebook! Here is the link!

AWESOME GAME.

But I always like at level two, accidentally press wrong key and then the whole page gone and need to restart again! Then Valerie will always say why you start at level TWO while she is like already at level FIVE??? Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! HAHA!

Oh! Forgotten to go Mama Shop to buy Milo for tomorrow's breakfast and tidbits for my four hours lecture tomorrow! CRAP.

Suddenly remember Ops Team 1 got people write on Boon Ping's back saying he look like Mr. Krabby in Spongebob Sqaurepants show. Hahas! So funny can?!

After school went to IT Helpdesk because I just found out my CS4 Fireworks is missing and Valerie need to install everything because she did something to her lappy then everything gone? Sat there for quite some time and started chatting and playing games with my iPhone.

Can't wait for our clique all get 1 iPhone and that is the moment when they will think it's normal for me with an iPhone because I'm very bad with the apps and ya. Just seem kukus for me with a iPhone. Haha!

After that head down to The Cathay for lunch because it had been quite some time since they last ate with me? WHOOMPS. Either overslept or cannot make it etc. Super full after that so went to walk around at the Cathay and to also waste time because wanted to watch movie with Gui Luan and the NPStrings gang but in the end never go. Because after hanging out and drinking GONG CHA *AWESOME MAN* Still have TWO more hours till 1800 hours and all my electronic devices seem to be dying. So headed home after drinking GONG CHA. YEAH YEAH. Which make my tummy even more FULL. But before we go off, showed Hui Xian the Teenage Dream song by Glee which make her overly addicted to it. The singer is simply CHARMING. Hahaha!

Came home wanna sleep but forced to bathed as requested my my third sis, Ai Ping. Slept till 1900+ hours and went to order Macdonald delivery for her and myself but she only ate after giving tuition somewhere. Hahas! Didn't even notice she left until I woke up. Super tired and I think is the digestion problem.

Did not plan to eat Macdonald but when I woke up, was like HUNGRY again. So decided to order. FAT FAT. Hahax! WHOOMPS.

Send mail out to helpers for request in helping to transport logistics and so far only Adeline, Edna, and me which I know currently? Shall check my mail tomorrow again then.

Tomorrow I don't know what to do man. Seniors' practice starts at 1930 hours and the freshies practice starts at 1730 hours. But we can also go for the freshies practice to see see look look talk talk. But like I end school at 1300 HOURS? What to do man? Should I go home like Valerie? She also have CCA at Ang Mo Kio around the same timing and she plans to go home rest first. Maybe me too? Hahaz! But like lazy only man~

Time to sleep already~ Feeling HAPPY now. :) SERIOUSLY. But when the topic is brought up again. There goes my HAPPY and here comes my SORROW then. WHOOMPS. Haha!

CIAO.